Its been less then a week now, since Macie turned one, but I am still having a hard time. I just cannot shake this feeling of sadness. I know I made the decision all on my own, well with Devan of course, to not have any more children. It wasn't my doctors suggestion, it was my choice. So why am I so upset about it? The day before Macie's birthday- last Friday I cried pretty much all morning. Every little thing that went wrong set me off into another crying episode. It is so hard to explain how I am truly feeling about this.
I am unsure if I am more upset that I cannot have another child, or the fact that my baby turned one and is on her way to being a walking talking child soon. If that makes sense?! I feel this small part of me wanting a baby, and not feeling complete. But then I really get to thinking about it and wonder if its just my sadness over Macie being older. Please continue to pray that I find some peace and completeness in this emotional mess I am in. I do feel so incredibly blessed to have the 3 children we have. And they are so amazing and healthy. I just can't seem to shake this feeling.
Thanks for listening!
Oh, Kat...I so know the feeling! I made the same decision after I had Daniel, and it's HARD!! I mean, look at me - I'm 40, I have 5 beautiful kids, I'm single - who else in my position would want more kids? But it is still hard sometimes. It's gotten easier as time has passed, but it still creeps up on me at times. Hang in there! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteNot that I know how you feel now, but if it makes you feel any better I worry about having to worry about this later on! Hang in there!
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