Macie will be 1 in 3 weeks. 22 days. ugh. I love this little girl, she is sooo precious and has an amazing personality. We have been so blessed with her. Her birthday is so very bittersweet to this momma. She is my last and final baby and before long will not be a baby any longer. Oh how I'm already missing it. I just want to hold her and cuddle her forever, just keep her this age for as long as I can.
Today was my yearly exam and I had to go through the 'you got a tubal' stuff again. I really don't want to talk about it. I tried to mention it to a couple people today- but unless you are a young woman in her child bearing years and you just recently had a tubal, you can't possibly understand how I feel right now. You can try, and thank you for doing so, but you just don't know.
I am sad I'm done having kids. And to be honest- if it wasn't for a very few people... I would have had one or two more. But with little support of that, I had the tubal so I would be done. I have regrets. I want more. I made a very permanent decison and now, I am done having kids. I will manage and I will be content. I can blame no one but myself for deciding what I did.
My dr assured me that at the first yearly exam after having a tubal, many women feel the way I do. Which, is comforting. I am hoping as the year goes on and I get past this small bump I will feel better. Pray I can find peace and be satisfied and content with my decision and feel blessed to have the family and life I do.
Philippians 4:6-7
'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. '
I feel for you, I really do. :( My husband is content with the two children we have and I don't want to be done yet. It hurts because I feel like I don't get a choice or say in the matter. I will pray that you find peace with your decision.
ReplyDeleteI can't quite empathise with you, but as a woman who has had trouble having children for one reason or another, I can understand the longing to have more. My "baby" is already 2 1/2 years old and doesn't like to cuddle as much any more. My other is already with Jesus! Can't wait to get that cuddling stage again...someday. Prayers that God will comfort you in this feeling of loss.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazingly strong woman, and someone I look up to eminsly (sorry have no idea how to spell that) just remember things happen for a reason and you may not see it now but you may in the future...Cherish the children you do have and be happy for them...Love ya hun, keep your head up.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you, friend. It is strange to know you're done. Ben "took care of things" so I wouldn't have to, but it still is very final and it definitely feels differently than I expected!! Also I'll be praying for your family changes. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..." Prov 3:5
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