Its been less then a week now, since Macie turned one, but I am still having a hard time. I just cannot shake this feeling of sadness. I know I made the decision all on my own, well with Devan of course, to not have any more children. It wasn't my doctors suggestion, it was my choice. So why am I so upset about it? The day before Macie's birthday- last Friday I cried pretty much all morning. Every little thing that went wrong set me off into another crying episode. It is so hard to explain how I am truly feeling about this.
I am unsure if I am more upset that I cannot have another child, or the fact that my baby turned one and is on her way to being a walking talking child soon. If that makes sense?! I feel this small part of me wanting a baby, and not feeling complete. But then I really get to thinking about it and wonder if its just my sadness over Macie being older. Please continue to pray that I find some peace and completeness in this emotional mess I am in. I do feel so incredibly blessed to have the 3 children we have. And they are so amazing and healthy. I just can't seem to shake this feeling.
Thanks for listening!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Macie turns 1
Well, the big day came and went. Miss Macie Mae is now a big 1 year old! She loved every minute of her party. Especially the cake! That girl could have sat there and ate cake all day.
She is such a joy to be around. She was up most of the day and didn't fuss one time! She is just so easy to please. We are truly blessed with this little girl. We had several family members and a couple friends over for a Easter egg hunt and lunch. And you can't for get the cake!
Macie's Cake
Number 1 cake for everyone- Butter flavored with Chocolate frosting! So yummy!
Isn't she adorable!! she melts my heart!
All the kiddos!
Ladies opening presents. The men were busy outside working on our new riding lawn mower. Much better this way!!!
Happy Birthday sweet girl! You truly are a gift from God!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
woowzers
this morning did not start well. things got off on the wrong foot and just kept building from there. but fortunately when you have a love like ours....it comes full circle right back to where it should. happiness. id like to say we learned some things...and maybe we did. i do know for sure though..what doesnt kill us will make us stronger.
i do love my hubby
ps sorry for the grammatical issues my phone isnt shifting hmmm
i do love my hubby
ps sorry for the grammatical issues my phone isnt shifting hmmm
Friday, April 1, 2011
Bittersweet
Macie will be 1 in 3 weeks. 22 days. ugh. I love this little girl, she is sooo precious and has an amazing personality. We have been so blessed with her. Her birthday is so very bittersweet to this momma. She is my last and final baby and before long will not be a baby any longer. Oh how I'm already missing it. I just want to hold her and cuddle her forever, just keep her this age for as long as I can.
Today was my yearly exam and I had to go through the 'you got a tubal' stuff again. I really don't want to talk about it. I tried to mention it to a couple people today- but unless you are a young woman in her child bearing years and you just recently had a tubal, you can't possibly understand how I feel right now. You can try, and thank you for doing so, but you just don't know.
I am sad I'm done having kids. And to be honest- if it wasn't for a very few people... I would have had one or two more. But with little support of that, I had the tubal so I would be done. I have regrets. I want more. I made a very permanent decison and now, I am done having kids. I will manage and I will be content. I can blame no one but myself for deciding what I did.
My dr assured me that at the first yearly exam after having a tubal, many women feel the way I do. Which, is comforting. I am hoping as the year goes on and I get past this small bump I will feel better. Pray I can find peace and be satisfied and content with my decision and feel blessed to have the family and life I do.
Philippians 4:6-7
'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. '
Today was my yearly exam and I had to go through the 'you got a tubal' stuff again. I really don't want to talk about it. I tried to mention it to a couple people today- but unless you are a young woman in her child bearing years and you just recently had a tubal, you can't possibly understand how I feel right now. You can try, and thank you for doing so, but you just don't know.
I am sad I'm done having kids. And to be honest- if it wasn't for a very few people... I would have had one or two more. But with little support of that, I had the tubal so I would be done. I have regrets. I want more. I made a very permanent decison and now, I am done having kids. I will manage and I will be content. I can blame no one but myself for deciding what I did.
My dr assured me that at the first yearly exam after having a tubal, many women feel the way I do. Which, is comforting. I am hoping as the year goes on and I get past this small bump I will feel better. Pray I can find peace and be satisfied and content with my decision and feel blessed to have the family and life I do.
Philippians 4:6-7
'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. '
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